I am turning one year older in four days. Well, to be correct I am turning four days older in four days. The year has already passed and 361 days of it are already long gone. Gone it is in the happiness of the moments shared with others, and in the many small moments I have so happily, and sometimes unhappily, shared with myself. In four days I am not only older on paper, I am also supposed to be a whole year wiser. I suppose that I am believed to have gained a whole year of extra knowledge about which direction I am going, which road I want to take, and what I am going to do with all the amazing years to come.
In four days I will be a year older on paper, and in people’s eyes that might mean that I am a whole year more mature then I was before I woke up on my birthday morning. After all, getting older means a lot, but it might also means absolutely nothing. Getting older, adding another year to your age is not the thing that makes you wiser, it’s the things you do while getting older is the thing that gives you the knowledge about yourself, and the world around you.
To get, or to not get older, is not something you choose. You can try to fight it but every minute of every day you are inevitably walking on the long, and wonderful, road to an older age. But it is not the years you have hidden in your wrinkles, or the scars you have from chopping that carrot when you made dinner for your love on that unspecial night that makes you old. It is the things you did, the thoughts you thought, and the things that happened to you without you knowing it did that makes you older.
They say that age is nothing but a number and I think that might be right. For me it’s is not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years that are important. To have loved, to have hurt and got hurt, to have laughed, to have cried, and to have seen the birth of something remarkable is the thing that matters. It has nothing to do with how many years that have passed since you first started finding your wobbly feet on the dance floor. No, getting older and wiser has to do with how much life you have let into your very own living.
Of the people you see while sitting on the train their appearance might make them look a certain age, it might make us think that they are in some way older, and have more knowledge about life then we do. But the old man with his morning paper tucked under his arm might still be so much younger than the woman sitting with her eyes closed in this early hour returning home from a different shift of work. What she has done I will never know, and where she is going is none of my business but still I think that she looks so much older than the old man sitting now reading his paper as he spreads out over two seats. All I know is that when she opens her eyes I see an age that is beyond her appearance.
In four days I don’t know if I will be older, wiser or more mature than I was when I was a year younger. I don’t know if I can say that I am older but I know that I can say that I am not the one that got on the train a year ago, that person will never come back and I will never be the same. Just as I will never be the same as who I was when I wrote this. In a minute everything could change and I will never get this moment back. It has nothing to do with the time passed, it has to do with what I did with my moment that just passed.
No matter what happened in the past or what happens in the future, my age is not who I am. It is what I do that will decide what age I am when I take my last breath. The person I am now is very much the age I am, regardless of what is stands for on my proof of age card. I know that I am getting older all the time, and that the time of my life for me will always be now.
- nathalia lindvall